The Power Of Sorry - It's A Tonic For Everyone - Steve Wickham
IT'S A VERY DIFFICULT THING for most people to say sorry. In politics of course, it has caused much debate. Is an "apology" actually "sorry"? For example, Governments not saying sorry to indigenous peoples for the grief they continue to feel in their ancestors being pushed out. It's not that saying sorry is even that simple anymore. In a case like saying sorry to indigenous people what is carried with it is the threat of civil action, law suits, class actions and the like.
What about on the personal front? It shouldn't be that hard to say sorry to someone you love, for instance, say when you hurt them, should it? Wrong. It appears it is very hard, if not impossible for some people to say, and mean, the words "I am sorry, would you forgive me, please?" This is particularly a challenge for those who've passed the so-called "sweetheart stage" where it is characteristically easier to say it-but when you've been with your partner for long enough to pass this stage, that's when you know the rubber's hit the road.
Some self-called experts actually advise NOT saying sorry-to actually avoid saying the word, as if there were some powerful negative magic. Apparently, it is a weakness to show weakness and be 'submissive' in this way. This is bad thinking and can only lead to making the problem worse.
There's a whole stack of reasons why it's difficult. Perhaps there's 'history' that you feel cannot be surmounted. Or, there's fault 'on the other side too'. As they say, "it takes two to tango".
Obviously, pride gets in the way most of the time, and few people see the actual power in saying sorry-the power of your own pride, and the power to create reconciliation and healing. Both these powers are in opposition to one another-one evil, one good. The real power is in the good.
Bad relational history is a stumbling block for sure, but if one party isn't prepared to budge, the other is also unlikely to-but, if one party gives a little, the other might to. It has to start with one party. The only way to undo poor history in a relationship is to start over, and this can commence at any time you choose. You are free to decide any time to breathe life into any relationship through the power of sorry. The fact is we've all done things wrong, and it isn't even that important-so what, we've been wrong. Let's build the bridge and get over it! The miracle in this is the lovely feeling you get inside for actually befriending someone you never thought you could stand, let alone talk civilly with. Another fact: you can genuinely and respectfully relate with anyone. There is real power in this truth.
In any conflict there are always two sides. Acknowledge this fact. This means you or your party is never altogether 'squeaky clean,' just like the other party isn't. There are faults on each side, even if the fault is simply ignorance or arrogance alone that's caused the impasse. (Most conflicts reveal some ignorance or arrogance-usually on both sides.) The only way to reconciliation is through an honest self-appraisal and admission of things you can change to bring about more respect and higher trust.
There are some very miraculous powers in Sorry. For instance, saying sorry and seeking forgiveness brings a peace that is hard to describe; it also brings life, peace and relief to the other person or party. We should all want good for the other person or the other party for selfish reasons-it makes us feel good to. We should wish them well, always.
Also, when we say sorry the negative powers of ignorance, arrogance, and intolerance are diffused and inner relief is felt almost instantly. Even if the other party won't accept you're sorry, you can feel at peace with the situation and feel the power of peace within yourself return.
This is also important as it's often a challenge the other party has to test your genuineness-they might feel that if they reject your 'sorry' it will reveal that you don't genuinely mean it-they'll be proved right if you react negatively. But, if the other party sees you are still repentant even when they've rejected your sorry, they'll at least see that you were genuine, and most of the time it will keep the door ajar to reconciling the important relationship. Showing respect in this way is a key to developing the shaky state of trust that may be present. Understand that the real issue is trust, or lack thereof. Trust does not come without respect and a time-tested 'reliability' journey. Try to be consistent.
Another truth is we gain strength over time with ongoing practise in saying sorry. We more adeptly manage our pride and it becomes easier to get on top of. It's like any other habit. You will find you are less stressed and anxious because you make the decision quicker to simply "let it go".
Say sorry. It starts with you. It isn't hard to say and really mean when you know that the real power rests with the person who can say sorry and maintain their dignity and integrity throughout the process.
Reconciliation is always a miracle to see and be part of, and it's always worth the effort.
© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.Steve Wickham is a safety and health professional (BSc) and a qualified Christian minister (GradDipDiv). He is also has training and leadership Diplomas. His passion in vocation is facilitation and coaching; encouraging people to soar to a higher value of their potential. Steve's interest in psychology is matched by years of experience in the psychology of safety in workplaces. Steve's key passion is work / life balance and re-creating value for living, and an exploration of the person within us. An advocate for a fair and just life, Steve implements wisdom strategies to his life through a passion for Proverbial wisdom. His highest goal is doing God's will, in enhancing his life, and the lives of others. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/912497
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