Diary of a Mistress

Diary of a Mistress -  Lisa U Maki

I didn't even look at myself as a mistress back then. I felt I was the rightful wife. He loved me more than he had ever loved anyone. Besides, I used to think that if his marriage was okay, then why will he fall in love with me? His wife neglected him and so it was her fault. All I knew then was that I loved the man and that he loved me. He was even willing to leave his wife for me.
It all started when he told me that if he had a scale and if he were to measure his love for me and for his wife, the scale would have been heavier on my side. This confused me back then. In fact, I got mad at him for being so open to me about his feelings. I went home that night so angry yet found myself lingering in every word he said. I've never heard that from any man. It made me more curious about him. It surely stirred up my hunger for love.
One thing led to another and I found myself in bed with this man. I didn't even like him physically but I've never been treated in a very special way. He told me things I never heard from any man. He gave me gifts. He told me he was going to take good care of me.
I knew it was getting serious when I started getting jealous of his wife. I told him to choose between me and her but he said it was not that easy because they had two kids. He told me it was something that needed some planning, so as not to hurt his wife and kids so bad. I then suggested to him that we should live together and that he shouldn't go home to his wife anymore. We made a deal that he will only go home to his kids every weekend and special occasions. That was good enough for me, provided his goal was to marry me.
I was very insensitive to what was going on with his wife and children. I didn't care if I was ruining a marriage and family. In fact, as I've said earlier, I thought I was the one deserving to be his wife and even the mother of his children. I didn't feel guilty about anything. At the back of my mind, she deserved what was happening to her. She had her chance to be with him and she blew it.
Everything was perfect. Even my family accepted him. Yet, there was a lot of insecurity going on inside of me at that time. There were times when we were eating in a restaurant and he would just leave me alone because he had to talk to someone who knew him and his wife and therefore he couldn't introduce me. The worst incident was when he couldn't bring me to his office Christmas party because I was not the wife. I felt slapped on my face that day. Reality started sinking in.
I put more pressure on him to leave his wife and marry me and I ended up more and more frustrated. That's when I started asking myself: "If this man really loves me, then how come he can't give me the only thing I wanted... a marriage"?
Despite all these insecurities, I still held on to the relationship because there was nothing better for me out there. Nothing... until Jesus came along. He was there all along but I was ignoring Him. So when He finally got my attention, the scales fell off my eyes and I realized my sin for what it was. I broke up with him and never turned back again.
So you see, not all mistresses are out there to deliberately steal your husbands from you. Most of them are good women who don't even have plans of being with married men. Yet, they are hurting and insecure women who are easy preys to any man's attention and care. This was the case with me. I didn't even know I was so hungry for love until this man started sharing his feelings with me. I was very vulnerable.
Another thing I want to point out is this... a woman who is not in God does not have a clue about the sanctity of marriage. I wanted marriage for myself but I didn't know how sacred it was in the eyes of God. I was blaming my man's wife for what happened to him. I had no guilt feelings. I didn't even feel like I was doing anything wrong.
Listen to me single women.
A married man will never be a good husband material. If he can cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you too. If he can't value the sanctity of his marriage, he will never be able to value anything. Have nothing to do with married men, unless you are in a group setting. Mine started as a business meeting and look what happened. And even if the man is a Christian, and you are a Christian too, I still don't suggest being alone with a married man. You are setting yourself up for a trap if you don't listen to this advice.
Listen to me married men.
How dare you prey on single women or any woman for that matter if you already have a wife. Be content with what you have. How sure are you that the woman you want to be with will be a better wife than the one you have? The only reason why you are excited to be with her is because she is the other woman. Make her your wife with the responsibilities of a wife and mother and she will be no different than the one you already have. And since you are the one who has the problem, then whoever you will be with will be the same... because of you!
Listen to me married women.
If you are a married woman and not a Christian, there is no better advice I can give you than to surrender your life to Jesus.
If you are a woman of God, here's my advice.
You can cheat-proof your marriage. And if you suspect that your husband is cheating on you, do your investigations in private. Better yet, ask God to reveal things to you. Once you know who the woman is, invite her for a one-on-one talk but don't intimidate her. Your goal is to lead her to Jesus. This will be very challenging but if you are all about God and His perfect will, then you will be able to do this.
Don't forget that I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing. Nobody said anything. Things would have been different had somebody approached me, called my sin for what it was, and showed me that only Jesus can love me the way I deserved to be loved.
Remember... it is an insecurity issue. This is the bottom-line. This is what needs to be exposed. And unless a person's security is anchored on God, the problem will never be solved.
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