Single Mom Gets Married - Lisa U Maki
Being a wife is a tough job. It is not for the faint of heart. It even becomes more challenging for a wife who is not young anymore, who has been previously married, who has been a single mom for a while, who has been independent, and who is strong-willed. This was the case with me and which I would like to share with you.
I was a single Mom for ten years: three years of the worldly life; and seven years of a life devoted to God. The former years were years of numbing pain, of rebellion, and of confusion; the latter years were years of healing, humility, and surrender. Those worldly years were years of being self-sufficient; while those godly years were years of learning how to totally rely on God.
It was in those latter years when God brought me through the first phase of my humbling process. From the corporate world He called me for full-time ministry, and that's when He began to strip me off. It was easy at the start because I still had my savings. Besides, I expected to be blessed a hundred-folds because of what I started sowing into His Kingdom.
Things didn't turn out the way I expected. My savings got depleted and no money was coming in. That's when I learned how to walk by faith. I became strong in my spiritual walk because of my desperation for God. My former self-sufficiency turned into total reliance on Him. All these resulted to a deeper and a more intimate relationship with my Savior.
In as much as I wanted to be mentored by a leader, the Holy Spirit became my direct mentor. I received revelations from God that not even my closest friends or my pastor fully understood. This situation drew me even closer to the Lover of my soul. It created in me a very independent spirit, not reliant on any leader, church, denomination, or covering.
My determination and perseverance to fight the good fight put me in positions that tested my faith in the church, but which strengthened my personal relationship with God. The frustrations and trials I went through in the leadership roles that God has put me in made me a bolder and more passionate preacher of the Gospel. I went to places where no woman in my category ever dared to go to. God opened doors for me that no one was able to shut. In all these I was recognized by others as a strong woman of God.
Even my sons recognized my authority over them. I was their Mom and Dad at the same time, and also their pastor for that matter. Mom became their spiritual leader and mentor, just as I became a spiritual leader to hundreds of women, and even men. This was how God used me as a single Christian Mom.
With all these things going on in my Christian life and calling, I was very happy and content being single. I didn't need any man in my life. Jesus was more than enough for me. Then one day, God stirred me up and I began to feel the emptiness in me. I started longing for a leader... a covering. I felt incomplete. That's when I knew that God was setting me up for marriage.
I thought I knew about marriage until I got married. I thought it was as easy as two passionate people of God getting together. I thought it was all about having a "covering" who will run this race with me. I thought submission was easy. What I didn't realize was how God was going to use my marriage to humble me even further.
My independent spirit that worked perfect for me when I was single became my hindrance to work together with my husband. I thought I could just do my own thing while my husband does his'. I had no clue that being a help-meet is me adjusting to my husband and meeting his every need. I didn't know I had to lay down the ministry that I wanted to build, to give way for the vision that God has given my husband.
The very close relationship I built with Jesus made me so protective of my quiet time with Him, to the point of making my husband feel left out. I didn't know that by isolating him, I was actually undermining his authority as my head and covering. During those times, I actually felt I was way ahead of my husband in our spiritual walk, which made me feel separated from him. I didn't understand it until God opened my eyes and revealed to me this Scripture...
But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
It was a process that God allowed me to go through... a very humbling process at that. For a while I even felt that God was pushing me away, only to realize in the end that He was pushing me closer to my husband, so that together, as one, we can worship Him. My submission to God's Word aligned me and my husband to His perfect order: with my husband as the designated rightful head.
To date, my husband and I pray together and read the Word everyday. This has not only drawn us closer together as a couple but also closer to God. Most importantly, it put us in God's perfect order, with him being above me. I still have my own private time with God but I don't allow it anymore to come in between me and my husband. By prioritizing my husband, I please God.
It took a while before I started really understanding the concept of submission. My deep relationship with God, the level of spiritual walk I was in, my independent spirit, and my being a strong woman of God created in me a very closed-off relationship with our Creator. It was me and Him. I submit to Him. I listen only to Him. What I failed to understand then was that God's command for the wife to submit is UNTO HIM. My refusal to submit to my husband was equivalent to my refusal to submit to God. When I finally understood that, I began to submit to my husband, as unto the Lord, thereby putting him in his rightful place in our marriage.
So for all of you single women of God who are in the same boat as I used to be, bear in mind that marriage is the best place God can heal and humble you even further. Everything you have been through and have done in your single life will never be put to waste. In fact, they are all necessary as preparation for what is to come. Yes, it will be very challenging for someone like you, but it will also be very fulfilling, knowing that you will be transformed more into the image of Jesus, if you continue to submit to Him and His Word.
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