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Thursday, February 7, 2013

Expectations - Their Value and Falsity

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Expectations - Their Value and Falsity - By Steve Wickham


Imagine this scenario. Say you're getting married soon, and you have the rest of your life before you. You've picked out your dress or suit, made all the wedding decisions around venues for ceremony and reception etc; for all intents and purposes, it's only a matter of time and you'll be married. You're so excited. Finally the day comes and all of a sudden you're living your dream day; next thing you're on your honeymoon with your new spouse-it's wonderful. Then, as the honeymoon draws to a close you realise it's finishing... What next? Oops! You forgot to plan for after the Wedding and you find that getting back into normal life is quite a challenge; all the excitement of becoming married has dissipated. As a result of this you end up sinking into a state of depression...
Believe it or not this sort of thing happens, and it happens more than we think. We've had our expectations raised and then we've had to re-adjust them. The story I related above actually happened to me; perhaps it was "post-nuptial depression?" Are false expectations from an undisciplined mind, and a lack of disciplined thinking? Are they from a lack of planning, so expectations are created unknowingly and cause havoc when they surface?
Unrealized expectations are one of the key reasons for depression and anxiety illnesses. When our expectations are not "fitted" to the eventualities that can reasonably occur we face the inevitable disappointment. Our expectations can cause trouble if they are not founded and grounded in established truth, and by 'established' truth I mean, the expectation must be held as a truth to everyone concerned. It is therefore established. It is true for all.
Anything that can actually occur, and there are many results possible in life situations, must be enshrined in truth-it can happen, therefore it is of truth. Yet, the problem is we hold out for one or perhaps two results. That's all we can see. We say, "This will happen, and if not, this other thing will surely happen." The truth is our perception is so limited; we cannot possibly see everything. That's being realistic.
We could do worse than analyse our expectations. Are they from truth i.e. what you know to be true; are they from your effective communications with others i.e. you have negotiated a position that both parties agree with-so both parties have sound expectations of both party's responsibilities etc.
When we believe in a plan so much, to the exclusion of all other possibilities we leave ourselves wide open to disappointment. It's fraught with danger. At times we have such great expectations they can only come to ruin. We dream of outcomes that are in all reality well beyond our talents and capabilities, or have such a low likelihood of occurring. What comes when we don't realize these dreams is discontent; and it is so unnecessary. Dealing with disappointment is always difficult; we must somehow remain realistic, reasonable, and rational.
Perhaps the wisest way to deal with 'the disappointment' is to simply have faith, placing our trust in God. There's no alternative method that comes even close to this when you consider how important it is to reclaim your positivity and self-empowerment. You can go one way or the other, the right way or the wrong way. The choice is pretty simple really, though many choose the hard/wrong way.
No matter how hard the right way is going to be, it is the only way you really want to go. The so-called "easier" option is a trap. You will be trapped in your disappointment and be left eventually in a far worse place within your mind and heart. Why go the way of extending the pain when a trip in the 'truth of faith' gets it over and done with and settles it the best and cleanest way possible. Once you've dealt with something one way, i.e. in the truth, it is easier the next time, to face it in truth again, as you've already acknowledged it. This is a solid corrective to denial.
It takes faith and courage to live this way consistently. In my experience, it is the only way to live. Trying not to expect too much, being quietly patient and "surprisable" is a key to life contentment. Once you've genuinely tried this way of living you won't return because you'll see such powerful results. There can be no better way of living life than in the reality of truth.
The only wise way to live this uncertain life is one-day-at-a-time, and even better still, one-moment-at-a-time. I abbreviate these concepts as ODAAT and OMAAT. They are keys to life success and peace in that we never get too far ahead of ourselves. The unfortunate thing in life is we're often striving too far ahead, planning and manipulating things that are a week away or even a month away. We need faith to understand that we can't influence things from that far out.
We must plan but if we get too "locked in" to our plans we stand to be disappointed, and something worse, we can be found to be stubbornly clinging to our own ideas of things. We need to learn to be more flexible than that.
© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide. Steve Wickham is a safety and health professional (BSc) and a qualified Christian minister (GradDipDiv). His passion in vocation is facilitation and coaching; encouraging people to soar to a higher value of their potential. Steve's key passion is work / life balance and re-creating value for living, and an exploration of the person within us. An advocate for a fair and just life, Steve implements wisdom strategies to his life through a passion for Proverbial wisdom. His highest goal is doing God's will, in enhancing his life, and the lives of others. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/982417

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