Divide and Conquer

Divide and Conquer - Lisa U Maki

I once read a story of two horses that were in a competition of who can carry the heaviest load. The judges decided to experiment on the grand prize winner and the runner up to see the difference between the weight of their individual loads and the weight of the loads they can pull together. The result was that the combined strengths of both horses were able to pull a load that was double the total of their individual loads put together. If the sum total of their individual loads was 1+1=2, their combined forces resulted to 1+1=4.
This holds true for the oneness of the husband and wife.
Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
The devil knows this too well which is why one of the most powerful weapons of the devil is to divide and conquer. He will do his best to divide the two and make them fight with each other so he can attack them individually and as a team. He will cause them to sin so they will also be separated from God. This is exactly what he did to Adam and Eve and what he continues to do with husbands and wives.
Have you tried going to bed without making up with your spouse? Have you tried carrying that hurt with you for hours, or maybe even for days? Didn't you feel that big weight on your chest? Didn't you toss in bed to and fro? Didn't you feel so out of peace? Didn't you also feel separated from God, like you couldn't even pray? This is exactly what I'm talking about.
We are one with our spouses. When we fight with them and not resolve the problem, we get divided. This is our weakest and most vulnerable moment, and where the enemy will attack hard. I don't know what divided Adam and Eve when Eve entertained the serpent. The enemy surely got her, and then her husband, and they both sinned and were separated from God.
Since arguments and fights are inevitable in any marriage, how do we handle this without being divided with our spouse?
Proverbs 17:14 answers this question. The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles (from a crack in a dam); therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out.
It clearly states here to stop contention or argument before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out. In my previous article on Dealing with Arguments in Marriage, I said these very words...
Another thing I've learned is to detect the argument when it is starting. This is when I start praying in my mind for God's grace and strength. This is when I bridle my tongue and control my flesh who wants to defend herself or to answer back.
Honestly, it's pointless defending yourself or explaining your side in the midst of an argument. The best thing to do is let the argument subside and when things have settled down, then that's the time to talk.
Psalm 34:14 says, Seek peace and pursue it.
Avoiding an argument from escalating is a way of putting this Scripture into action.
Again, we have to stop argument before quarreling breaks out. We have to detect it, which as I've said is what I am learning. I remember an incident when my husband corrected me over something I felt I didn't have to be corrected for. I asked him for more details of what I specifically did wrong but he couldn't tell it. So I got so upset and felt that he was being so critical of me. I felt my flesh rebelling again and I found myself being so defensive. The Holy Spirit was quick to remind me that I was getting in my flesh and that I had to shut up. We were driving to the vet then and praise God that I had a good excuse to leave the argument when we finally got to the parking lot. I got out of the car with our dog and just left my husband alone. Of course I was still upset. I wanted to just be in the vet forever so I didn't have to deal with him and whatever his mood was. I knew it was going to be an argument if I continue talking. When I got back in the car, he brought up the topic again. I wanted to tell him: "Shut up", but I held my tongue (thank you Yeshua for your grace). I told him I will examine myself and will be more careful next time. That's when he calmed down.
So was I able to stop contention before it became worse? Yes, but sad to say, I allowed the devil to attack my thoughts. I listened to his lies, festered on my hurts, felt so divided with my husband, and carried it with me in bed. I was awake until 3am. When I woke up the next day I researched on Biblical reasons why we can't go to sleep, one of which was because of some unresolved issues. I also sought God for a Word and the Scripture He gave me is the one I am sharing here from Proverbs 17:14...
The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles (from a crack in a dam); therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out.
I stopped contention right there but I allowed it to continue in my heart. Once we stop it, we have to leave it to the Lord and not even think about it. If there are issues that need to be resolved, we have to bring it before God and let Him deal with it. Resolving issues just right after stopping a contention will never work as it may trigger some emotions again that may lead to an even worse argument. In my experience, when I leave things to God, He is the One who talks to my husband. I don't even have to do anything.
Our marriage was given to us by God as a gift. It is our role to guard it the way He commanded Adam to tend the garden. We are its stewards. Guarding it means being cautious of the enemy who roars like a roaring lion, seeking to divide us and then conquer us.
Lisa Maki is the founder of God'z Gurlz, a Bible-based online magazine for women whose mission is to is to provide a place where women can learn to manage their emotions, experience healing, receive love and acceptance, be free to be who God made them to be, and be the best they can be in their homes, schools, professions, relationships, and calling, through sharing of insights and experiences, counseling, prayer, and devotionals, thereby learning from and supporting each other. For more of Lisa's articles, visit http://godzgurlz.com/ Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lisa_U_Maki Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7218416