"Men look at
themselves in a mirror.
Women look for
themselves." - Elissa Melmed
I admit it. I
have a love/hate relationship with the Proverbs 31 Woman. At times she inspires
me to no end. Yes, who can find a more virtuous, capable woman? She is an
exquisite portrait of a truly remarkable and lovely woman, wife and mother. At
other times I want to know where she lives so I can toilet paper her front
lawn. Anyone who makes Martha Stewart look like a slacker has serious issues.
I am sure she has
never had a bad hair day. She probably doesn't even know what cramps are. Her
foot never finds its way into her mouth, repeatedly, like mine. The meticulous
woman would almost certainly be aghast at my dusty floors then would give me
pointers on housecleaning. I am sure she would then wash my floors herself like
some deranged Mary Poppins. What a show-off!
I have often
compared myself to this epic woman whom we will call Prov. She is like that
tall, beautiful model trying on the exact same clothes as you. You compare your
assets with hers and find yourself seriously lacking. As you gaze in the mirror,
your reflection looks pitiful next to hers, like a speck of sand against the
breathtaking superstar.
According to the
Bible, not only does Prov do everything perfectly, but all around her think the
same. Plus she has the husband and children surrounding her. For us single
ladies, we feel even more inept. We hope that our singledom gives us the
blessed loophole from trying to be everything Prov is. Does my empty ring
finger give me a Get-Out-of-Proverbs-31-Free card?
As I read and
study about Practically Perfect Prov (her formal name), I am inundated with
questions. What is a woman's worth? What is my value? Does a woman have merit
if no one is there to acknowledge her capabilities? Why does she have to be so
flawless? And why is God pressing on me to examine her?
A mother wrote
this discourse on the most excellent of women in the hopes her son would
recognize a Godly wife when he saw one. Generations later and these 22 verses
have become a checklist for some and for others a carnival mirror that distorts
perception. I read about Prov and grow tired as I remember the dirty dishes in
the sink and the spider webs in the corners of the ceiling. I tell myself that
I don't want to be like her, but secretly I crave to have someone say those
things about me. Someone determined she was of great importance and value. I
think that is what I am most jealous of.
The Bible says
Prov has excelled over all other women. She has surpassed Deborah, Ruth and
Esther. She has outdone Miriam. She outshined them all and she is the ideal
that I am to live up to. Are you serious?
"Susan?"
"Yes,
God?" Obviously He was tired of me talking smack about Prov.
"Do you even
know what it means to be a virtuous woman?"
"Pure,
perfect, capable, high morals, quiet, and always polite." On a good day, I
am maybe two out of five. "That is what the dictionary says."
"Dig deeper,
Susan. You might actually like her."
"Wait, God,
I have so many questions."
"You usually
do."
"God, what
is my worth?"
"You will
figure it out. Susan, meet Prov."
And so began my
character study of this exceptional and highly irritating woman that had taken
up residence on a pedestal. Like any difficult person, once you get to know
them and what makes them tick, your opinion softens and you see something of
yourself in them. Or in this case, you discover components that are missing in
yourself. I have found myself housecleaning my soul and spirit and she is the
tool God is forcing me to use.
As I look in the
spiritual mirror before me, I am seeing the ways I don't measure up. There are
a few blemishes in my heart that have been covered. Sometimes the hardest
person to study is the one in the mirror. Maybe Prov isn't as a difficult woman
to know as myself.
"This is me,
God. For better or worse, I am Yours. I am nothing like Prov. Maybe that is why
she gets on my nerves. I want to be like her, but don't know how. There is a
lot of distillation and mending to do, but this is my start. Have Your way,
Jesus. Make me over."
Looking at
ourselves in the mirror can be one of the hardest things to do. Mornings can be
especially difficult since we more than likely have gunk in our eyes, smeared
makeup and unkempt hair that has a mind of its own. Once we see what is amiss,
we begin to put it back together again. How many times do we check our
appearance throughout the day? Every potty break includes inspecting the
mirror. We walk past department store windows and cast a sideways glance at the
image just to ensure that we haven't left the house with our skirts tucked into
our underwear.
There is one
woman who would be more than happy to give up her mirror. I can only imagine
how hard it was for her to look at the face staring back at her. She didn't
need to be reminded of what the world saw; she had been hearing it her whole
life. Look at how she is depicted in the Bible: "Leah had weak eyes, but
Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful." Can you imagine the wound to a
woman's heart if she knew that her less than attractive appearance was still
being talked about a few millennia after she walked on the earth? Ouch! I freak
out when people talk about me the next day not to mention the next millennium.
What did it mean
that Leah's eyes were weak? Some Jewish scholars say her eyes were pathetic
because she cried so often about her circumstances. Perhaps she was ill, or
maybe she was just plain ugly. The word used for "weak" means to be
liable to give way under pressure. It comes from a Hebrew word meaning to
faint, to have a dismal and weak appearance. There was no sparkle or
breathtaking quality to Leah. She was less than average. Saying she had
"weak eyes" was the polite way of saying she had a good personality.
No man would
choose her. Her father Laban was probably very vocal about his burden to
offload his first born daughter. Leah might have already accepted her fate as a
spinster when in walks Jacob. Everyone knew he was head over heels in love with
the striking Rachel. It was no secret that he had been working for the past
seven years to marry her.
Finally the day
had come that would pay off for Jacob. All the back-breaking work in the hot
sun was a distant memory as the thought of his bride filled his heart and mind.
Laban threw a wedding feast for the big event. One can't help but wonder how
long he had been plotting the next events. Laban lead his new son-in-law to the
bridal chamber. Jacob was probably skipping with anticipation and nervousness.
Seven years of daydreams were coming true.
Who knows where
Rachel was kept or if she was even made aware of the dastardly plan. Leah had
taken her younger sister's place either by choice or by a father's forceful
hand. Maybe Leah felt guilt for stealing her sister's moment, but then again a
lifetime of being jailed in someone's shadow may have helped her overcome any
momentary remorse. Rachel captured every gaze as she entered a room while Leah
was inconspicuous and unremarkable. She was not easily seen; someone had to
choose to see her and no one had. This was her moment to be noticed even if it
was stolen attention. Feelings of pitiful sadness had to be flowing in her
heart. "The only way I can get a man to choose me is by my father tricking
him." A bride is to feel so beautiful on her wedding day, but this was
probably the ugliest she had ever felt.
Jacob did not
detect the switch. Maybe it was the veil covering Leah's face, the amount of
wine in his system, or a combination of both that made him unaware of the true
identity of the bride lying in his bed. Not realizing it wasn't the love of his
life, Jacob treated Leah like beautiful, stunning Rachel. For one night the
unsightly woman was deemed remarkably exquisite. Perhaps in the course of the
night, Jacob called out the name of Rachel in ecstasy, but Leah chose to ignore
it. Leah was finally touched by hands that coveted her. She was whispered to by
lips that craved her. Leah was beautiful that night. She was no longer
invisible, but the totality of one man's attention. She didn't want the truth
that comes with the dreaded morning light to ever show its repulsive face. If
only time could be stopped.
Jacob woke to
find the weak eyes of Leah and not the remarkable face of Rachel lovingly
gazing upon him. He was anything but tactful. With shock and anger he shouted,
"What have you done to me? I served for Rachel, not Leah! Why did you
deceive me? I have been cheated!"
The pleasure and
acceptance she embezzled in the night was replaced with the reality of her
worth to Jacob. She was unsolicited and undesired. She was once again the ugly
woman who only looked good after enough wine and a veil. Leah knew she was the
raw end of the deal.
His love was so
great for Rachel, Jacob chose to work another seven years for her. He was
willing to work a total of 14 years for her sister. No one had even offered to
work a single day to win Leah. A week after her momentary joy, she witnessed
Jacob marry Rachel.
Leah was not the
one who was loved most. She held on to a brief ray of hope within her because
Jacob still came to her bed. Leah was probably the backup when Rachel was
considered unclean every month. God saw that she was unloved and opened her womb.
With the birth of her first son Reuben, she was sure her husband would love
her, but nothing had changed. With the next two sons Leah continued to hold
onto the fantasy of being treasured. By the fourth son something in her had
changed. She gave birth to Judah and cried out, "Now I will praise the
Lord." It stopped being about a man's love and about loving God. Sarah,
Rebekah, and Rachel were barren until their prayers succeeded in changing their
nature. Leah's barren heart was altered after her praises unto the Lord
succeeded in transforming her soul. She still battled Rachel in the offspring
race, but her heart was settled.
She didn't know
her worth, but God blessed Leah more than she would ever know. Rachel might
have been the wife of Jacob, but Leah was the wife of Israel. From her son Levi
came a tribe of priests that would man the tabernacle and temple. Israel was
built in the house of Judah. Through Judah came the line of David and
eventually Jesus. Through all the pain, toil, and heartbreak, God was planning
to redeem her. God loved her where Jacob failed.
In God's eyes,
Leah was precious and had value. As women, we have worth. It might be hidden,
but it is there. The Bible says the price for Prov was far above rubies.
Everything in this world has a price tag. An amount has been determined and
set. From towels to people, everything has a decided fee. In Uganda, a bride's
price is set by the number of cows a family thinks their daughter is equal to.
In some cultures it is the number of children a woman bears for her husband
that decides her estimation. Jacob's price for Rachel was 14 years, but God's
value of Leah was priceless. She became themother of God's chosen people.
If God uncovered
Leah's inestimable value, He will also expose ours.
We might feel
like Leah, trapped in another's shadow. That is because we are staring in the
mirror of unfinished product. The mirrors on the laver were merely pointing out
the places a person was incomplete. Our value is in the reflection of the
cleansing water. That is where we become priceless like Leah.
This is what this
journey is all about: looking at ourselves truthfully and fixing what needs to
be fixed. I am trading in my vanity and handing God my mirror. He will show me
what is flawed and in need of improvement. He will also identify those things
that need to not just be remodeled, but have to be downright destroyed. God,
like the army, persuades us to be all that we can be. It all starts with our
reflection.
I want to
overcome what I have seen and perceived. Sometimes mirrors are like the ones in
the laver and are distorted. They are more like a funhouse mirror casting a
false picture of who we are. They either make us look better than we are or
worse. We need God's honest view of who we are. Our beauty lies in His heart.
Beloved, let's
remember worth is simply the fullest extent of one's value and ability. Only
God knows what your fullest scope is. He won't let us extend past what we are
capable of. As for me and my house, I will remember my worth and that in God's
eyes, I am greater than a ruby. The world isn't concerned with telling us we
are worthy. A man doesn't give us significance. Our children aren't searching
for our importance outside o their personal needs. It is God that knows our
worth and determines our value. The love of God in us creates our beauty. Will
you join me in handing God your mirror?
About
the Author:Susan
T. Smith is a pastor and missionary based in Masindi, Uganda. She recently
became the mother of a beautiful four year old daughter named Amina Mary. Susan
has written two books, Dancing Under the Ugandan Skies and her latest,
Invisible Strength: Where We End and God Begins. Please check out her websites
athttp://www.InvisibleStrength.org and http://www.BeTheClay.org. Source
: http://goarticles.com/article/A-Difficult-Woman-to-Know/4266035/