Queen Esther's 7 Best Communication Secrets

Queen Esther's 7 Best Communication Secrets!
By: Gina Ratliffe 

As we all know, communication is absolutely vital and critical to our success in life. If we are not communicating our message, if we are not speaking out loud what is within us, we aren't sharing with other people who we really are, and that can leave us feeling frustrated and lonely.

The funny thing is, most of us think we're amazing communicators. I can't tell you how many well-educated, successful adults have told me that they know how to communicate. Most people think they do. The reality is, in order to be really GOOD at something, you have to study it.

The same applies for communication. You have to really look at the effective and ineffective ways to go about getting your message across. There are ways to positively communicate our thoughts and ideas to the people we love so that our concerns are really given the attention they deserve.

You'd be surprised at how easy it is to avoid the pitfalls and frustrations that come from mis-communicating, lack of communication or just downright BAD communication.

What's even more amazing to me is......how the story of Queen Esther continues to apply to modern day issues. If you really study her behavior, you can ascertain from her struggle just how great of a communicator she was. (If you click the image of Queen Esther on your left - It will take you to the page to read about Her Quality characters)

Queen Esther's 7 Best Communication Secrets

Secret # 1 - Position yourself.

In the book of Esther, we can read the passage, "Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the palace in front of the king's hall." Just to give you a little bit of context, this is when Esther is about to go communicate something before the king. She positions herself very well.

We don't see Esther running in ragged with her hair flying everywhere, screaming. She's not frantic, she's not overbearing. 

She has put on her royal robes, literally, and I think for us we want to put on our own, metaphorical, royal robes. When we have something to voice, in a work setting, a marriage, etc, it's important to calmly present your thoughts--and that comes from within. That comes from believing in what you have to say, from owning it.

Secret # 2 - Set your intention.

Most people just talk without thinking. Sometimes we eat without thinking, Or sometimes we'll even drive without thinking. Have you ever driven somewhere and you're like, "how did I get here?" Esther had a clear intention when she spoke to the King. She had one thing to accomplish. You can feel how strongly she knew what she had to do. She knew she risked death by asking the King for something, and because her intention was so powerful, she was able to do it.

Think about that if you want to create something different in your world this week, if you set a powerful intention, you can change even the course of what would ordinarily happen. What ordinarily would have happened for a queen to go before the king without being summoned is that she would be killed. But Esther didn't have that intention.

She had the intention to go and deliver a message. Ask yourself, what is your intention when you speak? Is your intention to get people's approval? Is your intention to want to punish somebody? Is your intention to hide and to be defensive? Is your intention to express love? Be very clear on what your intention is.

Secret # 3 - Masculine or Feminine Communication?

This is not about gender. It's about knowing when to use your feminine energy and when to use your masculine. Esther used her masculine energy when she was commanding orders, issuing ultimatums. You communicate with your masculine energy when you are in a leadership position. Feminine communication is more about being receptive. It's about BEING, not DOING. It's about reacting to masculine energy in an engaging way; it's about remembering that you are a powerful woman and sometimes the subtleties of your actions, your softness, communicates clearer than your words.

Secret # 4 - Speak clearly and directly.

Esther very clearly let is be known what she was desiring. A lot of people skirt around issues and do what I call 'circular communication.' Say what you want. Say it clearly, cleanly and very directly.

Secret # 5 - Use ' I ' language.

Most conflicts come, whether it's work related or in an intimate conversation, when the word 'you', is used. Phrases like, "You always," "you never," "you made me angry when-," immediately put people on the defensive. Instead, try phrases like, "I feel hurt," "I don't understand." People have a much easier time swallowing a statement if they hear it coming from a soft, tender place--from deep within you.

Secret # 6 - Put yourself in the other person's shoes.

What would it be like if you were at the other end of your message? Could you deal with your own concerns in a functional way? By placing yourself in the other persons shoes, you're entering into what I like to call, 'safe communication' because you're really considering how your message will be heard. Communication is most powerful when you listen. Listen to how you are presenting yourself and listen to the other person.

Secret # 7 - Set your boundaries and follow up.

Let's say you're positioning yourself well, you're speaking clearly, you're choosing whether you're speaking from the masculine or feminine, you've set your intention, you're doing it all, and then you get to that point where you say, "are you available to talk about that now?" And the person you're asking says, "No." That's when you sweetly say, "Ok, I understand that you're not available to speak about this now. When would you be?" Rather than just letting the other other person wander off, leaving you wondering if you're going to be heard, you have defined your conversation by asking them when they are available. Just like Esther respected the King's timetable, you should respect other peoples timetables, as well as your own. If you need to voice something to someone, make sure you do it when you're both "there." Otherwise, what's the point? You'll both be left feeling frustrated and you won't be heard.

If you are doing all of these steps: positioning yourself well, setting your intention, choosing what form of communication you're going to speak in-the masculine or the feminine, if you're speaking clearly, owning what you're saying by using 'I' language, if you are thinking about how the other person is going to be feeling or receiving your message, or listening to them, and setting up your boundaries in the follow up, you are setting yourself up for victorious communication. You're setting yourself up for fair communication, and you're really respecting yourself and the other person involved, and isn't that exciting?

So be sure to let yourself communicate like the Queen you are this week. Know that you have a voice and it's meant to be heard!

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